I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
