Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
