How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
