when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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