my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
