Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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