Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
