and you said cock pushups were impossible
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
