I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
