Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
