i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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