I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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