My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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