he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
