So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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