I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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