I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
