Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize