You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
