You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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