your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
