Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
When are your genitals available?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
