Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
