We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
