Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
