so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
