He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
