oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
