New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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