I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
