Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I wear drunk well.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
