Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
