Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
