i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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