So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
