is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
