The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
