What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
