I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
