Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
