Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
