so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
