tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How does one acquire holy water?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
