theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
