I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
