Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
