we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
