DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
