I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
