Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
