I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
