My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
