I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
