tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
