I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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