when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
