my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
