Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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