he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We left the knife in your bed.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
