She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
