It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
