My liver just broke up with me...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
