Someone shit on the floor
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
